The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
First man: “There’s a guy who lives up the street from me who used to work in construction. One day last year his hand got run over by a bulldozer. Whatever those doctors did, it’s really amazing – today he’s a concert pianist.”
Second man: “That’s nothing. I knew a guy in college – laziest bum I ever knew. He was really fat and out of shape. He was trying to hitch a ride one day and got hit by a truck. Broke nearly every damn bone in his body. Somehow they put him back together better than he was before. Now he’s a triathlete and he’s planning to try out for the Olympics.”
Third man: “Yeah, well I knew this poor retarded kid. He couldn’t do a whole lot, but someone at the dynamite factory got charitable and gave him a job as a stockboy. He was working in the warehouse one day and got locked in. It was dark and he couldn’t find the door. Not being too bright, he lit a match to try to find his way. The whole place exploded. All they could find of him was a few fingers and his eyebrows. From that little bit they were able to put him back together and today that kid is the President of the USA”
A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.
He gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.
About a week later she’s back at the doctor and tells him, “The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said.
It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table.”
The doctor says, “Oh dear — I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill
was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”
The lady replied, “That’s very kind – but I don’t think the restaurant will let us back in anyway.”
