Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,” and would his mother “…please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”
So, Johnny’s mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. “First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…” So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
“OK, now take off my skirt…” And he takes off her skirt.
“Now, take off my bra…” Which he does.
“And now, Johnny, please take off my panties…”
And when Johnny finishes removing these, she says, “Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!
What were you thinking?
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
Dear Child!
I am writing this slow because I know that you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home.Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.I won’t be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure if it works too well though.Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven’t seen them since.The weather isn’t too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.They said if we don’t make the last payment on Grandma’s grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she’s going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
What do you give a cat for its birthday?
A catologue!!!
What is green and says I’m a frog a
Talking frog.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi was four years old
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind?
A: A maybe.
John: How old are you?
Peter: Hmmm..I’m 7
John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
