Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.
Man said to God — Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man — So that you will love them.
Man said to God — But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man — So that they will love you.
My boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him.
The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
Yahoo! Answers is always full of interesting, sometimes rediculous questions that are just begging to get laughed at. This morning I came across one that did just that, some guy wondering why his horse tastes like raisins. Our advice, never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Der Zollbeamte beugt sich ins das offene Fenster des Autos und fragt: ‘Alkohol, Zigaretten?’
‘Nein, zweimal Kaffee bitte!’
Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
