Tag Archives: Lawyer

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” “But why?” asks the man. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver’s side door with him standing right there. “NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. “MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!” he exclaimed. “Your a lawyer aren’t you?” asked the policeman. “Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!” the lawyer asked. “HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing did you?” the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed “MY ROLEX!”

A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn’t donate even a cent to a charity.”First of all”, says the lawyer, “my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it’s not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister’s husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children…”"I’m terribly sorry”, says the United Way man, “I feel bad about asking for money.”The Lawyer funny responds, “Yeah, well if I’m not giving them any money, why should I give you any?”

Driving through town in his BMW, a successful young lawyer spotted two man on the side of the road eating grass out of somebody’s yard. Moved by how desperate the men had become, he pulls over to have a word with them,

“Hey fellas, what is going on? Why are you eating grass?” asks the lawyer.

“We’re down on our luck, have no jobs and are very poor!”, they both respond.

“Well then, come with me” the lawyer insists. “I’ll do what I can to help, after all – it’s clear you’re desperate and you’re clearly willing to do what it takes to get by.”

After a fifteen minute drive, the two poor men arrive at a beautiful estate on five acres of land right on the 18th hole of a prestigious golf course. They became excited at the chance to finally get some work.

“Sir, we can’t thank you enough! Thank you so much for this opportunity. We will make you happy!” they exclaimed with joy!

“Ah, it’s no problem. I’m just happy to help.” replied the compassionate lawyer. You can eat all the grass you want, it’s got to be at least a foot tall by now!”