TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can’t fool me, Teacher… snakes don’t have feet.
I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone
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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde
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How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.
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In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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We’re making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Tom: I often get nervous and frightened during driving testes.
Psychologist: Don’t worry, You will pass it eventually.
Tom: But sir, i am the Examiner..
Wife: Look at that man who has drunk a lot..
Husband: Who is he?
Wife: 10 year ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him for marriage.
Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating!!
Real Physical Security
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, “Holy Shit it’s hot in here!” The other muffin says, “Holy Shit… A talking muffin!”
Harry’s wife says, “Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?” He says, “No, our house isn’t blue.”
A lady says to the psychiatrist, “I think I might be a nymphomaniac.” He says, “I’ll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour.” She says, “How much for all night?”
Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke.
